The Nine Women Living In My Closet
Why letting go of clothes felt like saying goodbye to versions of myself.
I thought I was organizing my closet.
Instead, I met all the women I’ve been.
As I started hanging clothes in my tiny Laguna closet, it hit me. This wasn’t one wardrobe. It was the accumulated evidence of decades spent becoming different women.
Boutique Kim, owner of Clothes Minded. She loved to go on buying trips to find treasures for her favorite customers to make them feel chic and elevated, items they would get compliments wearing. She would peruse the brands at market in New York and Las Vegas, thoughtfully assembling looks for the women who trusted her to help them feel like the best version of themselves.
Rocker Chic Kim lives in studs and leather, concert tees from Greenday and Lenny Kravitz concerts, cool boots and edgy accessories. She danced until her feet hurt, screamed every lyric, and never once worried about tomorrow morning.
Warriors Fan Kim loves her blue and gold jerseys, jackets, metallic Valentino sneakers and Curry caps. She loves acquiring new pieces at every game, seeing the Warriors in the Final Four, cheering Steph on while he set records, and cheering while the confetti fell around her and her family after another Warriors win. The blue and gold and black pieces hold memories of some of the best times.
Vegas Kim believes Vegas is the perfect excuse for black lace, sheer details, and dresses she’d never wear anywhere else. The black Chanel Boy Bag and her chic dresses…these pieces remind her of Bruno Mars and PitBull, drinking Cosmopolitans while playing slot machines and fabulous dinners at fancy restaurants.
Country Kim who loves a quality cowboy boot and a denim jacket, who has line danced and kicked up her heels in Nashville, at Country Thunder and at Red Rocks to see Dierks Bentley, Miranda Lambert and Lainey Wilson. Who took her daughters to Nashville and rang in her 50th birthday on a beer bike riding down Broadway.
New York Kim who wears the refined, edgy, black elevated pieces like Loboutins and a black leather moto jacket. Who has walked from The Whitney to the Met and soaked in the city vibes during every step. Who has waited outside The Mark to see Met Gala looks on celebrities. Whose son lives in the Big Apple and they love to bounce around the city photographing everything they do.
Travelista Kim who loves to pop tags wherever she lands, the newness of the outfits matching the attractions she’s seeing in Japan, Italy, France, England and Denmark. But also loves to acquire new items in all of these fabulous places because the fashion there is so good.
Mom Kim is the one wearing the coziest tee and comfiest lounge pants with a pair of slippers in total chill mode, ready to get down to business in the kitchen with a recipe and her Kitchen Aide mixer. Nothing pleases her more than cooking and baking for her family and there’s no reason to dress up when you’re at home with the ones you love.
And now, Laguna Kim, the girl who wears linen, less makeup and more natural hair styles. This Kim is slowing down, settling in, comfortable in her own skin with nothing to prove and so much life still to live.
And then there’s Writer Kim. She doesn’t have much of a wardrobe yet. She’s the one sitting with a laptop and a cup of coffee, trying to make sense of all the women who came before her. She’s learning that closing a business, downsizing a life and starting over in Laguna Beach isn’t an ending after all.
It’s another chapter.
Do I have to be just one of these at a time, and….do I have to let go of some of these versions that might not be me living my best life?
Maybe the goal isn’t choosing just one version of ourselves. Maybe it’s a carefully curated mixtape of every version of who we’ve been - a woman learning that less can still hold more.
Maybe our closets were never meant to tell one story.
Because every version of us got us here.
She deserves gratitude.
She just doesn’t necessarily deserve closet space.
The trick isn’t keeping every piece.
It’s deciding which ones deserve a place in the next chapter.
I’m curious….how many women are living in your closet?